Piece of Cake

So here I am, turning legal. Twenty something. No longer a teen.

It has been quite a journey for me, well for most of people too of course. The thing is I never think this growing up thingy is something serious, but fact slaps me in the face because it really is happening.

Today last year, I spent my day by crying. You may think it was me being too exaggerating, but the fact that I took of the something-teen to the twenty field horrified me. For me, being twenty means I only have at least five years to peacefully own myself, according to the society I'm living in. And as for that, I still have heap of things I want to accomplish like continue my study in a higher level, to become a great writer, or a fluent journalist who is capable on switching so many languages in no time. And five years.. it is way too short before the age of wedlock. I tried so hard to build a wall and pushing myself away to not live up on what my society expects me to do ever since.

The last three months to the exact day today last year were months full of anxiety. I came to think that, this is it, my time is up, all I need to do is graduate, find a decent job that hopefully will fulfill, and waiting for some guy to pick me up. There were so many times I was cursing myself to was born a girl. I felt like there is sort of expiration date label glued to the forehead of a girl. The boundary is too tight. People expect you to be a great loving woman who is ready for a ship. And when you are trying to break it, you are then becoming a some kind of dump people diss. That was how far I was ever thinking out of anxiety.

But then it was what happened last year. Like what old men would say "the older the wiser", I can say that I'm a wee wiser now. I have come to realize that there's no escaping but to face a bigger responsibility of your own life, but we're not dead yet so I've dropped all sort of thought and just living what's on my face. It is exhausting to overthink things that might be or might not be happening. I'm not that scared anymore because I know damn well how and what I am made of. I know I have accomplished things, which I want and I unexpectedly think I would get. Well, I'm now a (still low still paving my stair) paid writer, mini-me never even once saw that one coming, that's one and I'm now only on my early twenties. And I know I should be proud of it and giving myself a break.

And as for a early-grown up me, you did well up to today and you will even do better later. Listen carefully and give your mom a smile when she started to talk to you about householding, who knows you might need it, also give your surrounding a kind face when they ask you what you want to do with your life but you have no idea how to answer that, because by the end of the day we will always find a way.

So yeah, I am twenty-friggin-one now who is still sleeping in my parent's room while I'm home, wrestling all the way with my brothers, and having a long-arse run crush to a guy, all that like a teenager but only in a wiser version. Growing up is a piece of cake since the only thing we need to do is gotta go with the flow. And as far as I know, I have learnt to float and still survive to this check-point. Who doesn't get confused and feeling lost in their twenties? Everyone does.

Well, there you go, a self-present because I might want to see and look back of how I was.

By the way, this is working. You know, this whole note as a self-present thing. You have no idea how much I feel good about myself now.